Here are some actual warning signs the US Government has along with some funny interpretations: TerroristAttackResponse.pdf

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds: What does love mean? The answer they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

• When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca (age 8)
• When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth. Billy (age 4)
• Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other. Karl (age 5)
• Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you without making them give you any of theirs. Chrissy (age 6)
• Love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri (age 4)
• Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Danny (age 7)
• Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss! Emily (age 8)
• Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. Bobby (age 7)
• If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. Nikka (age 6)
• Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday. Noelle (age 7)
• Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy (age 6)
During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. All the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. Cindy (age 8)
• My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night. Clare (age 6)
• Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine (age 5)
• Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford. Chris (age 7)
• Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day. Mary Ann (age 4)
• I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones. Lauren (age 4)
• When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you. Karen (age 6)
• Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross. Mark (age 6)
• You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. Jessica (age 8)
• And the final one -- author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge a contest to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said: Nothing, I just helped him cry.


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The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington  chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so profound that  the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of  course, why we now have the  pleasure of enjoying it as well. Here is the  "Bonus Question" on the exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic  (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is  compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
 
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
 
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than
one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
 
This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.


2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. 
   So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa (a girlfriend of mine during my Freshman year) that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven; thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
 
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

A couple years ago, if you typed "weapons of mass destruction" into Google's search engine and clicked on the I feel lucky button, this fake 404 page would appear. I thought it was a real 404 page until I read it...very clever I think and I'm glad I saved it.

Rooney on Monica.
Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 this week. It seems like only yesterday that she was crawling round the White House on her hands and knees.

Rooney on vegetarians.
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter."

Rooney on prisoners.
Did you know that it costs $40,000 a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And, if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.

Rooney on fabric softeners.
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed
women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring. But, it's hard to get that April Fresh scent out of your clothes.

Rooney on morning differences.
Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

Rooney on 'cripes.'
My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes' 'For Cripes sake.' Who would that be; Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?

Rooney on Grandma.
My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grand-mother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.